“I bet the boys are all over you now!”is typically how some women attempt to compliment me on my weight loss.I can’t say that my milkshake brings lots of boys to the yard, but boys are certainly a lot nicer than they were in middle school when I was taunted with “You’re jigglin’ baby!”As a 300-pound teenager, I did not have a boyfriend in middle or high school. My first date at Chilli’s in undergrad was not until I was 22-years-old. Yep, I was a hot mess of insecurity. Over the years my insecurities subsided, and I have continued to date. However, there tends to be an ongoing pattern with the guys I date. Things can be going groovy, we talk everyday, our dates are great, we look forward to seeing one another, etc. Yet, once a guy finds out that he is dating the former fat chick, I can’t put a name tag on it, but the energy just seems to change. Quite frankly, the guy acts weirded out by it.
How do men find out about my weight loss? Sometimes, I just tell them. Also, being that I have this lil’ here blog and my weight loss story has been featured on the TODAY Show, Dr. Oz Show and in Essence and SHAPE magazines, I am somewhat Google-able. Yes men, not just women, Google your name once you hand them your business card.
Whereas other times, I’m out on a date and a person from my past walks up and says, “Girl, I saw you on the Dr. Oz Show, I can’t believe you lost all that weight!” So then the guy is really inclined to Google me and/or I’m forced to explain.
The other night my BFF since the 10th grade, Alma, was was giving my hair a good ole’ Aaliyah-circa 1994 flat iron when I shared some of the crazy ish that men say and do once they find out that I once weighed close to 300-pounds.
Being that Alma grew up in Southeast DC and lived in New York City while at NYU, rarely can anyone say or do anything that shocks her. However, after responding with a few WTF’s, Alma suggested that I create an instructional blog posting for men on what not to do or say when dating a former fat girl.
So here it goes…
#1 Did you have sex when you were that big?
#2 – At least try to mask the fear in your eyes when you see a former fat girl eat. Also, never ask a former fat girl, are you gonna eat all of that? (Cause, the answer is hell yeah!)
#3 – Don’t annoy the former fat girl you’re dating by asking “Did you exercise today?” every 53 minutes!
#4 – Never ask a former fat girl, “Do you have to wear girdles or those Spanx-things? Alma’s suggested response: “Nah mofo, I do sit-ups and you should too!
#5 – Don’t point to people at the mall or in restaurants and ask, “Were you ever that big?”
#6 – Never tell a former fat girl, “You look good, you just need to tone up,” after she just told you that she lost over 100-pounds! Also, the former fat chick appreciates workout tips, she just doesn’t want to hear them everyday!
#7 – When intimate with a former fat girl, don’t rub on her stretch marks in the dark. My stretch marks aren’t braille!
#8 – Never ask a former fat girl, “Do you think that you will gain the weight back if you have kids?”
#9 – Unless she starts the conversation, never ask a former fat girl about her childhood i.e. “Were you always the last one picked in gym class?” Alma’s suggested response: “I was on Dr. Oz, not Dr. Phil!”
#10 – Again, unless the former fat girl starts the conversation, don’t ask about plastic surgery. Don’t try to casually bring up the topic by saying “…yeah my cousin that lost a lot of weight had a tummy tuck. Did you have a tummy tuck?”
***11. Treat her the same as you would a woman who has never been fat. (A reader just told me to add this!)